Vinegar Strokes

Vinegar Strokes

1st-level Enchantment

Casting Time: 1 Action
Range: 60 feet
Components: V, S, M (Arcane Material Component: A few drops of vinegar.)
Duration: 10 minutes

This simple yet effective spell causes the target not to orgasm but rather to enter the tense and nerve tingling set of sensations just before orgasm.

While affected the target is unable to do much except make ‘Ooh! Aah!’ sounds hop from foot to foot and produce a series of comedic and embarrassing facial expressions. The target of the spell must make a Wisdom save or become unable to take move and bonus actions, and has disadvantage to attack and check rolls. While under the effect of the spell target may try to end the effect at the end of each of his turns by making a Wisdom save.
Some particularly lonely or busy blue magi use this to expedite a speedier end to romantic encounters leaving them more time free to devote to serious research.
At Higher Levels. When you cast this spell using a spell slot of 2nd level or higher, add 1 more target for each level above level 1.

Summon Sex Partner

Summon Sex Partner

1st-level Conjuration (Ritual)

Casting Time: 10 minute
Range: 30 feet
Components: V, S, F (Arcane Focus: A lit candle and a handful of tissues.)
Duration: The duration of a single uninterrupted sex act.

This spell summons a creature and binds them into your presence or that of a client long enough for a sexual act to take place. The creature summoned may not be entirely willing (some are) but is bound by the magic of the spell to do what is required and cannot return to their home save by fulfilling the demands of the spell. Beware of meeting a previously summoned creature outside the context of the spell or you may well be in trouble.

What you can summon depends on spell slot used. Consult the table for your options per spell slot level.
1st Level
Aasimar
Dryad
Imp
Medium-size or smaller animated object
Merfolk
Ogre
Satyr
Sprite
Tiefling
Orc
Dwarf
Elf(any kind)
2nd Level
Mephit
Centaur
Doppelganger
Large or smaller animated object
Eladrin
3rd Level
Aranea
Genie, Janni
Genie
Medium-size or smaller animated object
Merfolk
Minotaur
Harpy
4th Level
Genie, Djinn
Half-fiend
Troll
Yuan-ti pureblood
5th Level
Half-dragon
Lamia
Nymph
Frayling
Pixie
6th Level
Drider
Ogre mage
Lillend
Succubus
Medusa
7th Level
Genie, Efreeti
Gynosphinx
Erinyes
8th Level
Androsphinx
Avoral
Rakshasa
9th Level
Astral deva
Ghaele
Trumpet Archon

 

Speedy Undress

Speedy Undress

1st-level Transmutation

Casting Time: 1 Action
Range: 30 feet
Components: V, S, F (Arcane Focus: A lit candle and a handful of tissues.)
Duration: Instantaneous

With a word and a gesture the target’s clothes fall away from their body, leaving them naked apart from the boots they are standing in. This includes any armor but does not include helmets, hats or jewellery.

Some types of clothing are easier and tougher to take off so if the target of thee spell wears:
No armor or Clothing. Target makes a Dexterity save with disadvantage.
Light or medium armor. Target makes a Dexterity save.
Heavy or Magical armor or clothing. Target makes a Dexterity save with advantage.
The original purpose of this spell was for ogling and pranks, as well as saving time when engaged in quick knee-tremblers behind taverns. It has since been misused by adventurers for denuding their targets of their armor to make them easier kills, but its original purpose remains popular.
At Higher Levels. When you cast this spell using a spell slot of 2nd level or higher, add 1 more target for each level above level 1.

Protection from Mingers

1st-level Abjuration

1st-level Abjuration

Casting Time: 1 Action
Range: Touch
Components: V, S, M (Arcane Material Component: Crushed flower petals that are sprinkled in a three-foot circle around the creature to be warded.)
Duration: 10 minutes

Users of some of the other spells listed here, as well as “beautiful” people, often find themselves subject to the unwanted attentions of mingers – those people who not only fell from the ugly tree hitting every branch on the way down, but also hit a trampoline at the bottom and slammed into every branch again, before falling in front of the ugly cart and being run down by it.

How to deal with this problem? A defensive spell seemed to be the only option and so one was developed from the standard alignment protection spells. The spell works almost exactly akin to the standard “protection from…” spells but prevents physical contact from any ugly humanoid. This does not work against non-humanoid monsters or any creature not intending their proximity to include hanky-panky.

Musical Accompaniment

Musical Accompaniment

1st-level Illusion

Casting Time: 1 Action
Range: Self
Components: V, S, F (Arcane Focus: A miniature lute or piano and the pedal from a spinning wheel.)
Duration: 10 minutes

When getting one’s “groove” on it can be beneficial to have some musical accompaniment to enhance the mood and give a rhythm to work to.

This spell only seems able to produce the sort of music that is heard in the seedier taverns with plush carpets and fading gold trim. The music produced always seems to incorporate the noise “Chakka-bownow.”
To ignore the spell effect target must make an Intelligence save.
At Higher Levels. When you cast this spell using a spell slot of 2nd level or higher, add 10 minutes to the duration of the spell for each level above level 1.