Life Shell

Life Shell

5th-level Abjuration

Casting Time: 1 Action
Range: Self
Components: V, S, Special (Caster must be naked for spell to work)
Duration: 1 hour (concentration)

You bring into being a mobile, hemispherical energy field, 10 feet radius and centered on the caster, that prevents the entrance of anything or anyone except for living creatures. No nonliving substances, be they arrows, magic items or clothes may pass into barrier, though energy attacks penetrate unimpeded. Any items within the barrier when it is created are unaffected. As with many abjuration spells, forcing the barrier against creatures the spell keeps at bay strains and collapses the field.

At Higher Levels. When you cast this spell using a spell slot of 6nd level or higher, the spell duration can be up to 24 hours.

Percy’s Personal Prophylactic

Percy’s Personal Prophylactic

Cantrip Abjuration

Casting Time: 1 Action
Range: Touch
Components: V, S, M (Arcane Material Component: A knotted piece of string placed nearby.)
Duration: 1 sexual activity

After being besieged in his tower by barmaids carrying young babies while suffering his fifteenth bout of “creeping cock nobbler,” Percival Magister decided enough was enough. Working hard to try and ignore the shouting from outside, he first hid all his treasure on the ethereal plane and then set about ensuring this would never happen to another young “mage about town”.

Finally the breakthrough came and this commonly used cantrip came into being. When it is cast, the one protected by it cannot contract any sexually transmitted disease their dabbling cannot result in pregnancy.

Protection from Mingers

1st-level Abjuration

1st-level Abjuration

Casting Time: 1 Action
Range: Touch
Components: V, S, M (Arcane Material Component: Crushed flower petals that are sprinkled in a three-foot circle around the creature to be warded.)
Duration: 10 minutes

Users of some of the other spells listed here, as well as “beautiful” people, often find themselves subject to the unwanted attentions of mingers – those people who not only fell from the ugly tree hitting every branch on the way down, but also hit a trampoline at the bottom and slammed into every branch again, before falling in front of the ugly cart and being run down by it.

How to deal with this problem? A defensive spell seemed to be the only option and so one was developed from the standard alignment protection spells. The spell works almost exactly akin to the standard “protection from…” spells but prevents physical contact from any ugly humanoid. This does not work against non-humanoid monsters or any creature not intending their proximity to include hanky-panky.

Prismatic Chastity Belt

Prismatic Chastity Belt

7th-level Abjuration

Casting Time: 1 Action
Range: 10 feet
Components: V, S
Duration: 24 hours

Paranoid king Randai married a much younger and very beautiful princess. Seeing the lusty looks on the faces of his knights and the castle staff he charged the court wizards with finding  a solution to the problem.

After much research they came up with a novel application of the principles behind prismatic sphere, spray and wall. Anyone attempting to have their way with the princess would have their genitalia roasted by flames, burned by acid, electrocuted, poisoned, turned to stone and teleported to another plane.
Overjoyed the king showered his wizards with gold and immediately left on an expedition, knowing his wife was safe. Whereupon, immune to the effects of their own spell, the wizards retired to the princess’ quarters for the time of their lives.
None-the-less, the spell remains popular with jealous husbands all over the land.

Liriel’s Gift

Liriel’s Gift

2nd-level Abjuration (Ritual)

Casting Time: 1 Action
Range: Touch
Components: V, S, M (Material Component: Heart shaped gem.)
Duration: 7 days or until discharged

With a touch you imbue a humanoid with your positive energy in order to protect the target. Target may during the spell’s duration call upon the gift and gain advantage to checks and saves for next 1 minute. When gift expires and is used for total 1 minute the spell ends.

Ritual is usually cast with a kiss and a token is give with which target may call it upon.